Two Friends Agree to Disagree on the War in Iran, Including Every Single Detail

Satire: Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose human foolishness or vice. This is a piece in which two friends take entirely different perspectives on the war in Iran. Unfortunately, this is where we're at; one could say it's another example of the United States of America's division. A fictional dialogue between two friends who can't agree on any single detail of this war.

Two old friends, Bill and Frank, who hadn't seen each other in six months, had just casually walked by each other in the grocery store.

Frank looked towards Bill and said, "Hey Bill, how are you? It's been too long. What are you up to these days?"

Bill responded, "I'm fine. Same old, same old. It seems like you're in a really good mood. What's the occasion?"

BTW, I'm about to celebrate; will you be joining me?" asked Frank.

"What's this all about? Tell me more," asked Bill.

Frank smiled and said, "Our president has a deal to end the war in Iran. I'm going to go out to my local liquor store and buy the most expensive champagne."

Bill looked at Frank quizzically. "What is this deal all about?"

Frank was a little annoyed that Bill wasn't in a celebratory mood and said, "What's your problem? Are you angry because there's more peace in the world?"

Bill was beginning to think they were reading entirely different newspapers and the opposite TV channels.

Bill chimed in, "This is just the beginning, essentially like a cease fire with many outstanding things to negotiate. Besides, since the war began, DJT said that America would achieve 'total and complete victory' and that Iran must agree to 'unconditional surrender. Has this happened? If you were the opposition, how do you think you'd respond to a leader who doesn't have a plan and creates deadlines that he doesn't keep?"

Frank emphatically said, "Ending destruction, the killing of innocent people, and all that money spent now has ceased. If you don't want to celebrate and be proud of what DJT has accomplished, I'll find someone else to help me enjoy this expensive champagne."

Bill shrugged his shoulders, perhaps missing out on the celebration, wondering if this was really something to celebrate. He pointed at Frank and said, "Do you realize that at the start of the war, DJT said the one purpose of the war was regime change in Iran? Do we now have regime change there?"

"Yes, there was a regime change in Iran; maybe we can negotiate a total peace settlement," Frank said.

Bill continued, "Yes, there was a regime change, so perhaps DJT will take credit as he's never shy about making it all about him. However, the new regime is younger and perhaps more radical. It's not just about changing a regime for the sake of regime change. Unfortunately, the new regime will be as difficult, or more difficult, to deal with. Do you think the Trump administration thoroughly thought this through as a short excursion, a minor skirmish, or a short-term excursion? Or at least that's what he referred to it as several times."

You could see Frank start to get annoyed and then said, "I don't care about something so trivial. We all accept that Trump is loose with his tongue but means well and wants to do the right thing for the American people. Besides, the war or minor excursion (you can choose your description), it only took DJT 90 days or so to negotiate an end to the war."

At this point, Frank was generally irritated at the fact that his friend was not joining in on his jubilation. He now thought maybe the friendship was not as tight as he had thought.

Bill was not going to back down from this argument or discussion. He continued, "We spent 40, 60, or 100 billion dollars in the war against Iran, a war that 'Yahu' in Israel manipulated us to join to fight their enemy, Iran. And that's the second time the Israeli government has dragged America into this conflict with Iran. Let's be clear, Israel is not part of the United States. We should focus on what's best for Americans. And what was the purpose of starting this war?"

Frank used one of the talking points he had heard on TV, "Well, isn't it worth it knowing that Iran will never build a nuclear weapon?"

He turned to Bill for an answer. With skepticism in his eyes, Bill said, "The uranium enrichment program hasn't been settled. For now, there's no more fighting, but one of the reasons DJT claimed we had to fight the war was to ensure Iran never gets a nuclear weapon, a weapon they'd use on Israel. In addition, the media is full of claims that if Iran obtains a nuclear weapon, they'll use it on Israel. Are we sure this is framed correctly? Is this merely a "talking point?" Perhaps their primary desire in obtaining this weapon is to gain better geopolitical leverage, so they can sit at the "big boy" table. Just a thought."

Frank said, "We destroyed all of Iran's ability to make such a weapon. We shouldn't be so cynical and skeptical; DJT did what was right for America and the world."

At this point, Bill was quite exasperated by his attempts to show his friend that perhaps this war hadn't gone as planned.

Bill continued, "It doesn't appear Trump and his administration thoroughly thought this through. We invaded Venezuela and fixed its economic and political system in just a few days. It appears that DJT was emboldened to turn to the Middle East and deal with Iran. But without careful planning and contingencies, that's a dangerous recipe for failure."

Humboldt University of Berlin

Bill went further, "Recently, when DJT was attending the Group of Seven in Europe conference, he twice told reporters he didn't want to be like President Herbert Hoover. In other words, he felt he had to negotiate a peace settlement; otherwise, the American economy could crater. In other words, DJT knew that higher prices would doom him and his party in November if inflation wasn't under control. That leads me to believe he planned little for this war, and thought it would be just like Venezuela, taking it over in just a few days. It appears that little planning or strategic thinking was involved."

"This was something Trump and company had to do, something the Dumocrats were too chicken to do," Frank said.

Bill shook his head back and forth at the name-calling. Attempting to be calm and objective, but didn't feel it was reciprocated, and stated, "We had the peace plan that the Obama administration had spent nearly two years negotiating with Iran. Negotiations that were hard and time-consuming, but perhaps a way to deal with Iran without dropping bombs."

"I've heard that was an awful peace plan, that Iran was still building a nuclear bomb. Obama didn't have the intestinal fortitude to do what Trump did." Frank injected.

Frank continued, "Besides, the Strait of Hormuz is now open, thanks to our fearless leader!"

Bill shook his head at the direction of this conversation and said, "Frank, the strait was opened prior to Israel and the United States attacking Iran. Yes, the strait will be opened in the near future, but it will bring us back to where we were before the war. Except now, Iran realizes how much economic and political clout they now have in controlling the strait."

He continued, "But now, thanks to the war, Iran can charge a toll to those ships that pass through the strait."

"It's not a toll, but a fee," Frank stated.

Bill's eyes rolled back and forth in exasperation, and he stated, "I'm not going to argue semantics, Frank; the fact of the matter is, Iran seems to have more leverage over this vital waterway that handles about 20% of the world's oil and natural gas."

According to Frank, "This 2015 nuclear agreement, negotiated by President Barack Obama, was the worst deal ever. He knows this because that was what DJT told the country to think. Trump claims Iran could not be trusted; this Obama deal allowed Iran to build a nuclear weapon.

Bill interjected, "If the Trump administration hated Obama's deal so much, why didn't he renegotiate? Isn't that what his defense secretary and secretary of state should have been doing? Perhaps DJT knew the agreement (JCPOA = The Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action) was a good deal, but Trump couldn't accept Obama getting any credit. You see, DJT is a narcissist and it's all about him."

With a frustrated look on his face, and those objectors to the government are treated severely, so I'd like to avoid war. Why not longer-term negotiations? Was it because DJT doesn't have the patience and commitment to do whatever is necessary before resorting to war? I know Americans carry a big stick, but war is the last resort; negotiations should take precedence. By tearing up this deal in 2018 without any negotiations, Iran resorted to behavior that might bring some concessions to them by attempting to build a nuclear weapon."

From Bill's objective perspective, wasn't it Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel who predicted that the Iranian regime would quickly fall? Even though Trump's aides told him that Netanyahu's forecast was absurd. DJT disregarded the Constitution, which requires him to get congressional approval for the war. (He still hasn't gotten approval from Congress after five months of the war.) Before Israel and the United States launched their attacks, Trump never had a contingency plan if Iran decided to close the Strait of Hormuz as a result of being attacked. When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

They both agreed to disagree on this geopolitical debate. As they walked away, Frank yelled at Bill, "DJT is not a pussy or a TACO, unlike your past dumocrat presidents, and will do whatever he can to ensure Americans and the world are safe and that Iran will never get a nuclear weapon!"

Bill thought to himself, “I didn’t even say to him that North Korea has developed a nuclear bomb and crickets from the Trump administration.”

Two Friends Agree to Disagree on the War in Iran, Including Every Single Detail