There's Nothing to Worry about, Donald
- Kevin Schwarm
- 9 hours ago
- 5 min read
Recently, some in the mainstream media have said the situation involving Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump may be referred to as the "Epstein files" controversy. Regarding this controversy, I've included just a brief refresher of the high-level news reports from 2025. A quiz is included to outline the types of questions a critical thinker may have about this controversy. As a reminder, this quiz is presented in a satirical manner.
Brief Overview of the 2025. A satirical quiz follows the overview:
February: The Trump administration says it is investigating Epstein files. AG Pam Bondi said the files are on her desk, waiting for an Ok for release.
July: Trump's Department of Justice says Epstein did not have a client list. On July 7, the Justice Department announced there’s no “client list.”
July: The Wall Street Journal releases an alleged Trump birthday card to Epstein. Trump claims he never sent such a card to Epstein. Trump responded to this article by suing the WSJ.
October: The government shutdown. The Speaker of the House stated that no action would be taken regarding the release of the files until the government reopened – still no vote as of November 15.
November: Epstein emails allegedly mentioning Trump were released by the Dems. The released emails that Epstein apparently wrote claim Trump spent “hours at my house” with one of Epstein’s victims.
SATIRICAL QUIZ
A. Why did Trump bring Congresswoman Lauren Boebert into the Situation Room this past week?
1. Time for tea?
2. Improve her sartorial choices.
3. Arm-twisting to help make this scandal go away.
4. He needs a regular dance partner for the new wing on the White House.
B. Why was Ghislaine Maxwell transferred to a minimum-security facility in Texas?
1. Rehabilitation experiment.
2. Awaiting a pardon.
3. She’s allergic to humidity in Florida.
4. She has dirt on Trump.
5. Two of the first four.
C. What did Epstein say in an email to Maxwell about Trump in 2017?
1. He’s the most altruistic person I’ve ever known.
2. He’s going to be president someday.
3. He doesn’t have one decent cell in his body.
4. He’s a real estate mogul in NYC.
D. Why would Trump say that Marjorie Taylor Greene (MTG) is crazy in November of ‘25?
1. It’s only a projection.
2. Because she is.
3. She’s slowly crawled her way out of the Trump cult.
4. All of the above.
E. What’s one role of the Attorney General of the US?
1. Be obstinate towards democratic Senators during a hearing.
2. Show up for press conferences and say nothing but nod when Trump speaks.
3. Being Trump’s personal lawyer while AG? (AG should be independent of the president)
4. Protecting the rule of law is for fools.
F. Why does Maxwell have special privileges in prison?
1. It was reported that she received computer access to help her crack the Epstein case.
2. She’s lonely in the Lone Star State.
3. She has valuable intel on Epstein and Trump.
4. A new form of prison rehabilitation was tried in the state of Texas.
G. Why did Epstein have so many contacts, both financially and politically?
1. He was good at math.
2. He helped other wealthy men engage in sex with underage girls?
3. He was Jewish, and many of his contacts were Jewish.
4. Two of the above.
H. How have conservative news organizations recently handled the possible involvement of Trump in the Epstein saga?
1. Ignored it?
2. A conspiracy run by democrats.
3. Denied the president’s involvement.
4. Right-wing outlets appear to have only focused on a single redacted name in 23,000 pages of correspondence related to Jeffrey Epstein that were released.
5. All of the above?
I. The emails, released by the US House Oversight Committee, include many high-profile figures. A review by the Wall Street Journal found that Trump was mentioned in more than 1,600 of the 2,324 email threads. Why so many mentions?
1. He was looking for investment advice.
2. Just wanted to be a high character contact.
3. Was a close friend of Epstein for many years.
4. Wanted to figure out how Epstein taught without a college degree.
J. What questions did Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche ask Maxwell while she was serving her time?
1. How are the sleeping arrangements?
2. Did they serve organic food?
3. He hasn’t yet released the transcript of the six-hour interviews.
4. Do you need an alarm clock?
K. Why is it clearly transparent that Trump doesn’t want all these classified files about Epstein to be released?
1. It will do minor damage to his reputation.
2. He cares about those young girls damaged by this controversy.
3. He’s done ordering air strikes on suspected drug dealers, so he’ll now have more time.
4. He’s guilty of something despicable.
L. Why did Trump sue the WSJ for $10 billion this year?
1. Hiring lawyers is good for the economy
2. The WSJ published an article claiming Trump sent a lewd b-day letter to Epstein in 2003.
3. He was upset about the complexity of the article.
4. He wants Murdoch’s publication to change their font style.
M. Why was Trump upset with Epstein?
1. Epstein was brilliant.
2. He was convicted of soliciting prostitution.
3. Epstein stole girls from Mar-a-Lago.
4. He was a pedophile.
N. Why do the GOP in Congress think Trump should do about the Epstein controversy?
1. The electorate who are fed up with foreign wars and foreign causes are going broke trying to feed their families, and are losing hope of ever achieving the American dream.
2. Bury the Epstein story. Deny, deny, deny.
3. Continue to be wishy-washy with tariffs?
4. Be more of a grifter and self-serving while president.
O. During Trump's 2024 campaign, on several occasions, Donald called for the release of files on Epstein. Why hasn't he released these files yet?
1. Trump is too busy ignoring Ukraine and playing "footsie" with Putin.
2. He has a tough time telling the truth.
3. That was just a silly campaign promise that doesn't mean anything.
4. All of the above.
Answers to Quiz. There's Nothing to worry about Donald:
A. 3
B. 4
C. 3
D. 4
E. 3
F. 3
G. 4
H. 5
I. 3
J. 3
K. 4
L. 2
M. 3
N. 2
O. 4
There's Nothing to Worry about, Donald