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Textin' With Ted (Political Satire)

Updated: Nov 9, 2023

Now that the weather has gotten colder, I don’t see my neighbors too often in the yard so one of my opinionated neighbors decided to text me about the impending election and other political thoughts. Here’s the gist of the texting conversation.

TEXTIN’ TED: Hey man, big election upcoming…you know what, I really like Kari Lake for governor in ‘zona. You need a common sense government there.

ME: I don’t follow Arizona politics, but I vaguely remember that she’s an election denier; she still says that Trump won in ’20. A vast majority of educated individuals feel the last election in 2020 was legitimate, despite hearing from various individuals, without evidence, claiming it was stolen. Elections have consequences.

TEXTIN’ TED: What is wrong with that? They stole the election from Trump…that’s why Kari’s people are camped at polling places. They want to ensure it’s fair. I’m glad they’re all packin’ in AZ, especially around election time. We can’t let them destroy our country.

Textin' with Ted

ME: You can’t be serious. We can’t go through that again. On a number of times, I’ve outlined to you why that’s not true. No legitimate government or justice system throughout the country found any abnormal voter fraud at the federal level in 2020. Why does it seem that the evidence is clear that it was a secure election, but a noticeable part of the population does not think so? Do their biases supersede facts?

TEXTIN’ TED: Some of those Oath Keeper type guys are keeping the voters who are dropping off ballots on high alert. This should help with potential cheating by the de’mo-rats. Go, Arizona, hurrah.

ME: Did you think that it is OK to intentionally or unintentionally intimate voters who are dropping off ballots? Is it not creepy that some of these individuals with big guns are disguised as unidentifiable? The guns are bad enough, but then you have to cover 80 percent of your face? That appears to me as cowardly. If they truly believed in their cause, they’d unhide the disguise and state their case publically. Let’s have a civil argument, or is that redundant? Can arguments be civil?

Indeed, they have the right to gather in this manner, but if it’s right and legal, then why the masks? I have issues with people, especially men, who won’t show their faces when in certain public settings.

TEXTIN’ TED: They won’t let us talk about this, or talk about that, they are silencing us. We can’t talk about anything, our rights are being taken away by the weak democrats.

TEXTIN’ TED: Let’s be real, President Trump could fill large stadiums to capacity, and Slow Joe can’t fill a recreation room in a retirement community. It’s like what Fox News says about being Number 1 in the Cable News space.

Textin' with Ted

ME: Just because someone or something is popular may not make it right, sane, or the route to take. Popularity can be deceiving sometimes, especially if they are charming and charismatic. Popularity and integrity are sometimes very distant cousins. Popularity by itself is fine but what’s your message (on being popular) to the entire electorate? Shouldn’t all Americans be represented as a president who leads the nation?

TEXTIN’ TED: Inflation, inflation, inflation. What the hell about these grocery prices? Doesn’t Sleepy Joe know what he’s doing? Does he even know what inflation means? These prices are the highest rising prices on goods for 45 years. I can’t wait until I see the complete election results. The socialists will take a beating because they deserve it.

ME: I must first say that it’s ‘know’ and not ‘no’ within this paragraph, but I digress.

ME: Dude, this will be the last time I repeat these facts. England currently has high inflation, and so do many countries in Europe. Do you think Biden’s the only leader in this economic predicament? Remember this when you tend to talk about high inflation in ’22. It’s everywhere. Besides, factor in the Covid economic hangover, the war in Ukraine, volatile oil markets, and the Great Resignation, and now you know why only the tough issues end up on his desk. He’s trying, regardless of the narrative that he’s clueless. I’ll be honest, I don’t want Biden in 2024 under any circumstances. However, he’s appointed some open-minded and clever support staff. They understand what the Biden policy is, even if Joe sometimes forgets it. I’d like him to be a sharper tack, but we’re inclined to have another two-plus years, let’s see if we can tame this inflation thing. People think this can’t go on much longer, but who knows? What if the Fed policy works?

TEXTIN’ TED: Taxes are out of control. They never go down, just up. Democrats are the spending party; that’s why we need a lot of changes in Washington.

ME: I wonder why nine of the ten conservative states consume more federal funds than their residents will pay the government in taxes. That’s been occurring for some time now; perhaps, we could devise a creative idea. How about limiting the amount of federal money a state can receive to equal the amount those state residents pay the government in taxes?

Trying to refute misinformation can be a tiring exercise – especially while texting. At this point, I decided to disengage with Ted on our texting – neither of us was making any progress with convincing the other about facts and reality.

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